this is all a repetition.

i mean, we look for people that are going to make things different.

we all want to feel like we've never felt before.

but with every person its just this one basic feeling that might be different, or not, surrounded by cliches.

we shouldnt have to dress anything up.

but we do.

i love you - i cant count how many times i say that a day. to how many people.

its too casualized. but it should be enough.

why isnt it enough?

i mean, if you cant find clever phrases to describe how you feel about someone, you feel inadequate.

like maybe you wont feel it if you cant say it.

i tried to look for words & it wasnt right.

i felt it, so to hell with searching for the perfect thing to say.

i'm not perfect & nothing i say will ever be close.

so you look for words that are limited in amount, & once you start repeating them you cant figure out why it all sounds wrong.

so if this one makes me smile too much, & so does that one..well one of these feelings has to be false.

but then theres that other, & i never really can breathe around him. but then thats not the first time i've lost my breath.

are you honestly trying to tell yourself that out of four you've loved two?

fours too much for a heart, i admit, & maybe it'll all pass tomorrow

but the point is that its there now.

& it doesnt matter how long you love for.

it matters that you love.

& you keep doing it over & over again no matter how repetitious or dead ended it seems because you cant do anything else.

so maybe prince charming comes & saves you from your suburban castle.

maybe you never leave.

maybe you save yourself.

& maybe when prince charming comes you act on whim when you decide to jump the walls or go back to sleep because you get torn in too many directions, & it doesnt get any simpler with time.

i always said ever was a bit too much for me.

i guess all i can say is that i'll never make promises.

but of course, i will. its in my nature to ease over problems with promises.

& my intentions are always good.

but i cant say to anyone, yeah, i'll love them tomorrow.

i mean, if something comes suddenly, how can you say with faith it wont leave suddenly?

& it did come suddenly.

there was that one moment where it was obvious to the point where i might have been thinking in ever terms.

but evers always scared me in the morning.

i cant tell anyone anything other than i'll love you for as long as i do.

which could be anywhere from right now to the day i die.

you cant really know me & not love me.

for once thats not conceit.

i mean i'm alot to deal with, & you'd have to love me to put up with it. to put up with me.

i can rip apart everything, or i can save you.

you just have to be ready for both.

before & after